Dana White: For the Love of all Things Holy, Keep ESPN Away from the UFC

Dana White, one of the three men responsible for picking up a dying fight company called the Ultimate Fighting Championship, recently announced he’s closer now than he’s ever been to getting this booming business a television deal with ESPN, the company who bills itself as “the worldwide leader in sports.” To the guys at the top, this kind of breakthrough could take the sport of mixed martial arts and vault it forward to help it reach its huge potential. Its potential dwarfed only by the circumference of Tito Ortiz’s head.

And for the love of the sport, each of its fighters, for Bruce Buffer, for Joe Rogan and Spike TV, for Steve Mazzagatti’s moustache, and Josh Koscheck’s blonde afro, please, Dana, don’t do it.

Today, nothing can compete with ESPN in terms on all around sports coverage. While most think it’s because ESPN truly is the best, they fail to realize that the only reason its competitors are to it what Affliction was to the UFC, is because more of their time and money is spent on fancy graphics, stupid gimmicks, and cheap fads.

A cheap fad, the UFC is not.

If one wants to know how many first pitch strikes Mike Mussina threw in his Yankee career after the fourth inning in day games pitched on Tuesdays after the All-Star Break, they need look no further than to one of ESPN’s baseball “analysts”. However, if one wants in depth baseball coverage without being suffocated with inane stats, unnecessary analysis and speculation, they’re better fit to find their closest little league venue and chat with an umpire who spends his down time working at a gas station, reading old copies of Sports Illustrated, and eating packages of Big League Chew.

That’s what’s in store for the UFC should ESPN take on the UFC, and cinch in its suffocating choke.

Fans looked forward to an Anderson Silva-Forrest Griffin matchup co-headlining a card with a B.J. Penn-Kenny Florian lightweight title main event for months. Silva put on a show and won over a largely pro-Griffin crowd. Penn and Florian took their fight to the fourth round, where fans cheered with each passing moment. Penn picked up Florian and slammed him, mounted him, took his back, softened him up, and choked him out. The crowd got louder and louder with each seemingly innocuous detail because, unlike ESPN, its fans have taken the time to learn what each facet of the game consists of. ESPN’s expert analysis of the play by play from the fourth consisted of this dialogue:

“Penn then does…this is called a…rear….naked…choke…”
“(through laughter): I don’t think you can do that on TV!”
“That’s a bad name for that!”

You could practically see the face of the twelve year old SportsCenter anchor giggling as he uttered the word “naked” on camera.

Only he isn’t twelve, that was exactly how the thirty second highlight actually played out, and a much more serious, devoted three minute segment on golf followed.

Look, we’ve all heard the story of Dana White attacking a female Sherdog reporter and lambasting her for her lack of knowledge on MMA. He came under much scrutiny for it and apologized for the incident, but if one thing shone through, it was his constant passion for what he does. These two clowns, who absolutely epitomize the intelligence quotient of nearly all of ESPN’s analysts and anchors, snicker at the word naked, and offer a half-hearted attempt at pretending to care about what they’re covering before delving deep into the explosive world of hitting a ball off a tee in casual khaki pants and a dressy polo shirt.

Don’t do it, Dana.

This sport continues to grow each day through DVD sales, word of mouth, through blog postings. It’s only going to continue getting bigger, and if the sport has seen as much success as it has financially through a tough recession, how badly does it need ESPN? If its biggest events are only available via Pay-Per View, and it’s made it this far without former scrub athletes spewing mindless blather about how many times Georges St. Pierre has landed an inside leg kick on the left side of the octagon as opposed to the right, please, stick to what’s gotten you here. The UFC doesn’t need a Stuart Scott sitting ringside speaking in ebonics and making up words that embarrass his black colleagues, it needs its current parternership with Spike to remain strong, and it needs its headstrong president to keep doing what’s taken a nearly defunct fight club and skyrocketed it to galactic proportions.