Finally, I Can Rest Easy

I've always been fascinated by this country's obsession with useless shit. Billy Mays gets people to buy a litany of things that have already been invented, under names that obviously aren't nearly as clever (I'm looking at you, mounting putty, scratch remover, and picture hooks), and suddenly everyone is beside themselves when he dies.

That's why, when a product that's clearly nothing more than a bathrobe worn backwards was pushed as "the blanket with sleeves", I could no longer contain myself. I sat idly watching all of its piece of shit predecessors pedaled by annoying pitchmen and thought little of them outside of the fact that they were obviously useless objects.

Then, one day, I see an infomercial for the Snuggie.

Holy shit.

The Snuggie is, of course, a bathrobe. It's a bathrobe worn backwards. Here's a picture of it in all its glory:

As you can see, it's yet another product that's already been invented, but warmer, and snugglier. What's so unbelievably awesome about this, however, is just how absurd it looks. The infomercial shows a family attending a sporting even, each dawning a maroon Snuggie.

All that was missing was the Kool-Aid.

That's right, I said it. They resembled a cult. The only thing to make this advertisement more awesome was its free gift that was offered. A booklight. Probably to read the leaflets detailing the Snuggie cult's plans for its next meeting, or something.

Anyway, I saw the infomercial and watched it a thousand more times, laughing hysterically with each view.

But something was missing.

Then, in a twist of fate that nearly brought faith in God, the Snuggie FINALLY became available to kids.

Now even the smallest of empty-headed sheep could join along, adorned with the latest in fuzzy bathrobe-blanket trends. And the commercial itself? Right on par with the original. No free booklight, but the kids attending what was likely the same sporting event they were at in the original (though this time probably with their friends and not their embarassing parents!) still gave us all that "Awww, look how cute they all look" feeling, right before they likely committed mass suicide.

It remains to be seen whether or not this version of the Snuggie will see the success the original has, but with that kid in the commercial doing the Macarena like it's still 1999, I'd say we can bank on the fact that this will soon sell like hotcakes. Hotcakes, and a booklight. Best of luck, Snuggie for Kids, I'm sure you'll sell just as well as your parents. And if you don't, I can rest easy knowing you got the kids involved in all the fun.