It seems as though the universe is responding to me

Just when I thought I couldn't understand the peculiarities of USF, this incident, which made national news, goes and throws me through an even bigger loop.

I figure most people crazy enough to threaten a school with a bomb or a gun must follow a set plan. One that even follows a logical flow. I guess our education system really does need work.

USF's "gunman", if he even had one, decided he'd alert the authorities of his presence in the USF Library. USF's brilliant emergency response system immediately shooed everyone out of the library with an almost inaudible siren. If I hadn't looked up from my laptop to see everyone frantically grabbing their things, bolting for the door, I wouldn't have taken out my headphones to hear an alarm sounding. Turns out there was a gunman in the building. Cool.

LATER THAT DAY...

Another threat is called in, this time in the Parking and Transportation Systems building. Someone planned to blow USF into oblivion using the Bull Runner bus system. What an interesting way to make a harrowing statement where people's lives are taken--"I used the Bull Runner. No, no, that's their bus system. Yeah, I know it's a weird name, but it had that kind of edge most bombers look for when they carry out their business."

All the while these events are unfolding, apparently signaling every one of the 44,000 plus students who attend the university's demise, a mass of some three hundred people congregated outside the library. That's right, the library. The building where this whole "scare" began now played host to a slew of morons gawking at the S.W.A.T. teams and police officers storming the building as if they were going to see some sort of old western shootout. If I had a camera, I would have made an amateur video and interviewed as many people between where I was sitting and the library, burned it to DVDs, and sold them to everyone. Then there'd be t-shirts and lawn chairs. No one would forget October 5th, 2009, the day where the University of South Florida was sort of worth mentioning because of a bomb scare, and definitely worth mentioning because of little sense anything surrounding the situation made.

The final alert sent to students told them to keep on the lookout for a man in a blank tank top and cowboy hat. He was seen holding not a gun, not a stick of dynamite or a remote, but a hunting knife...oh yeah, and a puppy. No, really.

The situation couldn't have been made more bizarre if the puppy was the one with the knife. I don't know if this guy got the memo, but that day's bad boys were playing with guns and bombs, his attack puppy and hunting knife weren't going to scare anyone.

The blinding stupidity in all this made even less sense when the announcement that the school was in lockdown mode was made. I guess a university with that many people's idea of a lockdown differs greatly from that of a high school, but lockdowns usually include, you know, locked doors, the policy of no one in and no one out, etc.

I left.

No one stopped me. In fact, as I was leaving, I saw a border collie come screeching up to the curb, looking around as if expecting someone. I think he was the get away driver.