Ten Sexiest Fighters in MMA

Bleacher Report recently posted a list of the Ten Sexiest Fighters in MMA, and upon reading it, and looking through it, I've realized I either possess some inner quality that is born to dispute anything written by Bleacher Report, or I enjoy looking at half naked men. I haven't decided, but I'm leaning toward the former just to validate doing this. I'll start by giving it the slightest credit; Georges is deserving of the top spot, and I say that without absolutely no objectiveness.

That said, let's dissect this bad boy. The article can be found here:
http://bleacherreport.com/articles/484459-top-10-most-attractive-fighters-in-mma#page/2

It begins with a few honorable mentions:

- Yoshihiro Akiyama: There he is, Sexyama. Everyone happy now?
- Cheick Kongo: He's french, and quite stylish.
- Matt Serra: Handsome, blue collar guy from New York.
- Diego Sanchez: Zen poster boy.
- Michael Bisping: Sexy Sex Pistol.
- Dominick Cruz: Bantamweight babe.
- Bas Rutten: El Guapo!

Matt Serra is described as "a handsome guy". Matt Serra is not a handsome guy; he's short and stocky and not at all attractive. Cheick Kongo and Michael Bisping are equally undeserving of honorable mentions. Kongo is French, so what? I believe this angle only works with Latin and Italian men, and faux designer sunglasses hardly make a man stylish. Bisping looks nothing like a Sex Pistol. He's British, how clever--the only reason he wasn't described in terms of some other British band is because of his big mouth. Until a punk British band dresses in obnoxious Affliction shirts, I don't buy him being "a sexy sex pistol".


Ryan Bader is DAMN good looking, and he's number TEN. If Ryan Bader is number ten on this list, he better be followed by nine fucking beefcakes, and quite frankly, he isn't.


Fitch's ears are big, sure, but his nose isn't, and he's a handsome dude. Seeing him follow Bader makes you think this list was cut from Ryan Bader's abs, but then it gets downright ridiculous.


There is nothing attractive about Dan Hardy--if the cheap "bad boy" card is to be played, then that's all he has going for him, and therefore has fewer credentials than the two men who precede him, who are not douchebags, who are described as "charming" and "rugged", and are better looking anyway.


Randy Couture is a good looking guy, but his standing in UFC lore has nothing to do with his sexiness, and since this is supposed to be a superficial list of attractive men who beat the shit out of each other, he belongs behind Bader and Fitch, and ahead of Hardy.


Huerta is a guy I expected to see up near the top, and placing him as low as six, presumably because he "looks like a guy who grooms more than the average guy" doesn't make much sense given that women typically like that sexy Latino look he's got going. He is sexiest so far.


Then it gets...stupid. Matt Hughes, who looks like he's been slowly losing his hair for the last ten years as his oddly shaped chest barely distracts the attention from his mishapen face, does not belong at number five. Excellent physique, but not sexier than Huerta, Bader, Fitch, or Couture. Hardy would have him if not for his pink hair.


Now, not only is Chael Sonnen goofy looking, but to find the one picture of him that truly captures the essence of seventeen year old guy who still tucks his shirt into his jeans does not do much for his standing at number four on a list like this. Also, that combover style hairdo he sports is glaringly obvious in a close up of his face.


Rich Franklin deserves a spot on this list, but not in the top three. Again, the picture choice is questionable, and his receding hair line tends to take away from his sexiness. So he's older as an athlete and still has a great physique, so what? Not everyone should be compared to Chuck Liddell's slight belly.


Now Frankie Edgar at number two may be the most baffling. Not only has no one he grew up calling "mommy" ever called this man handsome, but the description "the most adorable fighter in the UFC" is practically demeaning to the midget lightweight champion. His face resembles that of a turtle, he has a fade haircut and a multitude of bad tattoos, and if his skin was a darker hue of orange, everyone would know that he is in fact a New Jersey native, and he likes to throw his fists for a living.

So, if I'm to keep this selection of fighters and just reorder it, it should look something like this:

10. Frankie Edgar
9. Chael Sonnen
8. Matt Hughes
7. Dan Hardy
6. Randy Couture
5. Rich Franklin
4. Jon Fitch
3. Ryan Bader
2. Roger Huerta
1. Georges St. Pierre

If I'm allowed to wipe my ass with this list, making the skidmark strewn across the page easily more attractive than the first three fighters named, then it'll look something like this:

10-4: Who cares
3. Ryan Bader
2. Roger Huerta
1. Georges St. Pierre

Take that, Bleacher Report. Your idea of journalism is equivalent to Nickelback's idea of rock music.